relationships

Toxic Relationships Affect your Health

Toxic Relationships Affect your Health

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We have all been around someone who might be in a bad mood, is having a hard time, or perhaps is a ‘negative nelly.’ However, for some people, this becomes more prevalent, insidious, and all-encompassing. We all have our good and bad days, but you really need to ask yourself if your relationship is toxic. Why? Because it can affect your health. Ask yourself:

  • Does this person make you feel bad about yourself?
  • Do you feel physically or emotionally drained?
  • Are you always giving without receiving anything back?
  • Does this person isolate you from family and friends?
  • Do you ever feel unsafe? Fearful?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions and have negative feelings about or around your significant other, spouse, or friend a majority of the time, then you may be in a toxic relationship. Is it time to ‘detox’ this person from your life? If this relationship is not serving you mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, then it can be very difficult to stay healthy and thrive in your life. 

A toxic relationship can affect your health, but there are 3 things you can do about it right now:

  1. Recognize the relationship for what it is and be at peace because it is not up to you to change the other person.
  2. Create personal boundaries for yourself 
  3. If you find the relationship intolerable or feel miserable all the time, it may be time to leave. Otherwise, the circle of stress will continue to harm your health.

Deciding on the best course of action may take time, and you can help yourself make that decision by practicing meditation. As you become more ‘present’ and less stressed about possible future events, you can anchor yourself in the present and foster a positive change. 

Another great way to help release negative energy and clarify your mind and body from the inside is through regular yoga practice.  

Talk about it with someone who can give you an objective point of view, share your perspective, and help you gain more clarity. The toxic person may be willing to engage in counseling with you. Set boundaries, cultivate an inner circle of people who love and support you, and trust your intuition. 

Recommended Reading: 10 Tips for a Happier Relationship
10 Tips for a Happier Relationship

10 Tips for a Happier Relationship

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No matter how good your relationship is, there is always room for improvement. In fact, making the effort to keep things fresh is probably the best tip I have to create a happier relationship. But that can be broken down into more specific actions that will strengthen your relationship, whether you already think it’s perfect or if you feel like it needs a little help.

1. Focus on the positive.

Every day, think of one thing you really appreciate about your partner. But don’t just think about it. Tell him what it is you appreciate. “I really love how you make me a cup of coffee every morning.” “I really appreciate how you always pick up after yourself.” “It makes me happy that you always remember to say thank you when I do something, no matter how small it is.” When someone feels appreciated, they will do more things for you to appreciate!

2. Kiss and tell.

Make it a point, every time you leave or greet your partner, to kiss him and tell him you love him. And I’m not talking about a little peck on the cheek. I’m talking about a real kiss. Kissing triggers the production of oxytocin in the brain. Oxytocin is known as “the love hormone” because it works to strengthen the bond between two people.

3. Keep learning.

You may think you know everything about the person you married, but I bet there’s still a lot you don’t know. Deepen your relationship by asking open-ended questions. Ask his opinion, not something that can just be answered with a yes or no. Who knows? He may even learn a thing or two about himself.

4. Don’t stop dreaming.

Everyone has dreams. Don’t forget them when you get caught up in the everyday routine of making ends meet. Spend some time relaxing and ask, “If you could do/have/make/experience anything, what would it be?” Spend some time day dreaming about things you both would like to do or accomplish and maybe even brain storm ways to make those things happen. Then offer your support because when you support each other’s dreams, you become closer and stronger as a couple.

5. Never stop dating.

Set aside one night a week to just dress up and have a good time. Do the things you used to do before you got married. Remember what made you fall in love and re-live those things. There is only one rule: You can’t talk about bills, kids, work or anything else that is part of your mundane day-to-day life. If you struggle with this, it’s a sign that you need to work on it more. Don’t give up! Your relationship is worth the effort.

6. Use the power of touch.

Touch connects us physically, but looking for opportunities to touch will create a stronger emotional bond as well. Hold his hand, rub his shoulders or let your thigh rest against his while you sit next to each other. Just like kissing, touch releases hormones in the brain that build your emotional bond.

7. Find a common ground.

We can’t always agree on everything, but at least make the effort to meet in the middle. In many relationships, one person is always the one to give in. But in strong relationships, partners care about each other enough to not always have to get their own way. Keep it fair for both of you.

8. Seek out the positive.

If you need to bring up something negative, make sure to wrap it in plenty of positives. “I love watching movies with you but I have a hard time with the volume being so loud. If you turn it down just a bit, I can still enjoy the funny comments you make during the movie.”

9. Live in the moment.

When you focus on now, you’re less likely to obsess about the past or stress over the future. Certainly it’s important to make future plans, but focusing on the now will bring more joy to your relationship.

10. Keep it real.

Don’t exaggerate faults or use terms like “You always…” and “You never…” when you have disagreements. Don’t bring up issues that don’t relate to the situation you are discussing. Focus on what’s really happening and discuss your feelings instead of blaming him for how you feel. After all, no one can make you feel something. Your feelings and how you respond to them are your choice, so own them.
These are just a few tips that will strengthen your relationship and make it more solid every day. When you keep these tips in mind, you’ll find yourself falling more and more in love. Your man will feel that growing love and his love for you will grow more, too. You’ll have a relationship that most people only dream about!
Want to learn more? My Relationship Bundle has a much more in-depth look on how to meet and land a real catch, how to keep him interested, as well as a unique perspective about how men perceive us.

Meet and Marry the Perfect Guy

Meet and Marry the Perfect Guy

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Ladies are you single and frustrated with the dating scene? Are you losing any hope on meeting and marrying the perfect guy? Well let me assure you there are plenty of great guys out there just waiting to meet their perfect woman! (PS- Is he married already? If so, RUN AWAY!) And when I say perfect I don’t mean a guy with simply a perfect face, a chiseled body, and zero personality! I’m talking about meeting a guy who is perfect for YOU. Men are looking to meet a woman who is comfortable with her self. A woman who is self assured, sexy and has confidence. Have you ever looked at a woman and wondered, “How did she land such a perfect guy?” I know I did! I married my husband 7 years ago and he is 14 years younger than me. He chased me for a solid year straight before I even said yes to a date. He knew I was divorced and had 3 children but none of that mattered because of the way I carried myself.

My Story

I was convinced from the moment I divorced that I would meet and marry the perfect guy. I actually kept a piece of paper in my pocket every day that had the attributes that I expected to attract when looking for that perfect guy to meet and date.
I must admit, when I was going through my divorce I dated a lot of really great guys. Everyone used to ask how come I could meet so many nice men and they were having trouble doing so. I think one of the things I noticed that my other separated or divorce girlfriends were doing was that they were acting very cynical. It was almost like they hated all men. They wanted to meet this great guy but were putting out an attitude each and every time they were out and about or even on their dates.
When I met my husband Joe, he seemed like a nice guy and we became friends. I have to admit he wanted to date me from the start but I didn’t see a love connection since he was so much younger than me. However, I saw a really nice person and we connected and allowed our friendship to grow. After a whole year of Joe asking me out on dates (he asked me out every single Monday for a year!) I finally agreed and said yes. We met that week and had our first kiss, and we were pretty much inseparable after that! I’ll be honest, I probably didn’t actively follow every piece of advice I’ve outlined in my previous blog posts, but keep reading! Even if you only apply 25% of my advice, you are guaranteed to see results!

How YOU can Meet and Marry the Perfect Guy!

One of the first things you need to do before meeting the perfect guy is to work on yourself. Look your best! The better you feel and look, the more you will attract the perfect guy. You can find numerous tips on eating healthy in my eBooks. When you eat healthy and work out you will feel better.
You truly need to carry yourself like you are a prize. A prize that any man would want to pursue, date and marry. In order to do that you don’t need to be a beauty queen. It’s the way you carry yourself. You smile, you are self-assured, your hair and makeup are on point, you keep up with current events, you don’t settle and most of all you never chase a guy. Any guy you need to chase, is not worth having, trust me.
Once you are out on a date you never show that getting married and making babies are foremost on your mind. You need to show up on your date as your most charming self, not cynical or jaded. You need to know that the only thing that matters is that you are relaxed and self-assured. He will either love your or not. It’s never your fault if he doesn’t call. You shake it off. It’s his loss.
Men like a challenge. They like to be left with wanting some more. Keep your date short and sweet and end the date before he does no matter how good it is going.
If you begin to date the same great guy steadily remember to keep your cool. Allow him to text or call you first always. Be sure he is always trying harder than you are to make plans and get together. Learn his love languages, and teach him yours. If you remain a challenge to him until the very end he will know the only way to “have” you, to “have” all of you is to propose.
All of this, and much, much more is outlined in my eBook How to Meet & Marry a Great Man, which gives you a ton of practical, no-BS advice for less than the cost of two Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes!
Keeping your engagement and marriage spicy comes next!

Choose Happiness in your Intimate Relationships

Choose Happiness in your Intimate Relationships

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Speed bumps are common in relationships. Fights happen and expectations can’t always be met but that shouldn’t deter a couple from giving a peaceful relationship. Yes, it takes work but the effort will always be worth it.

Here are some things to remember in order to have a sound relationship with one’s significant other:
Give the Other Person the Benefit of the Doubt. Sometimes it helps to think that your significant other hadn’t really meant to hurt you. Put yourself in their shoes and try to rationalize the situation from their point of view.

Don’t Play the Blame Game. Sometimes when we feel inadequate about ourselves, we blame the other person. Look inwards and determine the root of your negative emotion. Sometimes, the problem can be found within us. The solution will be obvious thereafter.

Don’t Act when you are Emotional. Strong emotions such as hurt, frustration, and anger can lead to irrational reactions and decisions. Acting on emotion can lead to regret in the end so try to calm down first before trying to do anything.
Choose Your Battles Wisely. Not everything should be turned into a fight. Confrontations are healthy in a relationship but fighting doesn’t solve anything all the time. Don’t let everything bother you.

Take care of Yourself. Some lose themselves in a relationship so much that they forget that they are an individual that needs constant nurturing. Channel some of that TLC towards yourself. Remember that you cannot love another person fully if you do not love yourself.

Keeping Anger Out Of Intimate Relationships

Keeping Anger Out Of Intimate Relationships

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Anger is normal under any circumstance, even in relationships, so keeping anger out of intimate relationships is even more important than ever. People get upset over things or even with their partners. More often than not, the problem lies not on anger per se but on the way a couple manages this situation. Anger doesn’t kill a relationship but holding on to it does. Here are some tips to deal with anger for couples:

*Address anger right away. Never leave your significant other with his or her rage because doing so will only make matters worse. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and understand what he or she is upset about. Listen well so that you can both work towards solving the problem at hand.

*Share your feelings too. Avoid passive aggression at all costs. Express your anger, nervousness, or frustration. Open communication is vital when it comes to dealing with anger in a relationship.

*Recognize the fact that sometimes, you are not really angry with your partner but rather on the situation. More often than not, it’s not the person that really causes the negative feelings but what he or she did or failed to do.

*Let anger go. There are things that are not really worth getting upset over and it is important to recognize that harmonious relationships only happen when both parties are willing to accept certain things.

Successful Marriages need a Game Plan

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The decision to get married will change one’s life more deeply than almost any other decision we could ever make. So it continues to amaze me that people will rush into marriage with little or no Relationship preparation or Communication skills that are needed for making a marriage successful. Couples pay far more attention to planning the actual wedding day when the festivities last a few hours and the relationship can and should last a lifetime. Most people don’t even go into marriage with a healthy dating relationship under their belt.

Healthy dating relationships focus on really getting to know the other person. What you see on the outside is not necessarily what you will discover on the inside. Both partners need a certain level of honesty in order to expose their true selves. In my coaching practice, I teach my clients that we all have Gremlins. These Gremlins are labels that we have given ourselves probably way back in childhood. We tend to overreact in our intimate relationships when our partners touch upon these “wounds” Every couple has a unique history. Sometimes it takes a 3rd party to help us feel safe to share our histories. Especially if we feel shame or embarrassment about our pasts. Taking the time prior to marriage to learn the skills to communicate will save you much hardship, tears, and frustrations in the future.

Love you…Love you not

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If only all of our loving feelings could last forever. Remember the amazing passionate feeling of just falling in love. You feel so connected. Like you are one with each other. This intimate connection however actually pushes you towards learning your greatest life lessons that you need to know. Some of these lessons are unfinished business from your childhood. Your romantic relationships allow you to bond with each other. The difficult part sometimes is learning how to release. If your personal boundaries are not developed , you may have trouble giving your partner freedom in your relationship. You may cling to him or her, avoid telling the complete truth , run from each other. Many people are unwilling to do the work that stands behind the initial addictive feeling when we fall in love. Some people are just addicted to the chemistry of romance and want to avoid personal growth. In the long run however, there is no escaping the life lessons you will learn from being in a committed relationship.

Coming Up…The Bachelorette Finale

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Wow, I will have to admit I enjoy watching the Bachelorette. This season was a bit slow for me all and all but that was quickly made up with the last two episodes. Two weeks ago we watched Brooks say goodbye to Des . He basically told her that I enjoy our time together but when we are apart I don’t miss or think about you. I feel this dilemma gets set up for many of the men on this show since they are not the pursuers but the one’s being pursued. This role reversal is never beneficial for a woman. I think the ONLY reason it is able to work is because the men, just like most men, are naturally competitive. So they play to win. I was secretly wondering the whole time if Brooke came back if Des would take him back. Not because true love prevails but because woman with love self esteem exist that don’t want to listen to men when they TELL you they are not interested. Had this situation taken place at home I can 100% guarantee that Des would have held on and continued to pursue him….But, this isn’t back home. This is the Bachelorette.
With two men left Des quickly gets rid of Drew the one who probably would have loved and adored her the most. He was just too much for her too handle. To good, to much love… Sorry Drew, really thought you were a cutie.
So were left with Chris. And Des is faced with the dilemma of letting this man go who seems to love and adore her also. She seems to dig down deep and decide to accept his love. Other’s judge her saying how could she love Brooks one day and then say she loves Chris the next day. I get and understand that point but challenge all of the ladies out there today…Which choice in life, in marriage will turn out better for Des? She could have stuck with Brooks, chased him and convinced him to love her. Had a rocky relationship of always wondering and worrying about how much he cared about her and always looking over her shoulder to “see” if he was eyeing up other woman and searching for the Woman of his dreams…..the one he would miss every second of every day while they were apart.
Or, she could do what she did and pick a guy to settle down with who is madly in love with her, writes her poetry, cares about her and wants to be with her forever. Hmmmmm, I think when we are faced with this dilemma in real life relationships and you feel ” But, I love him…” just like Des loved Brooks you need to ask yourself. “How is that love thing working for you?”
Romantic love is wonderful , it is great, but it is short lived when trying to make a marriage work for “forever”
Way to go Des , for making the right decision. I’ll put my bets on this one lasting…

Intimate Relationships and loving too much

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When being in love means being upset and being in pain we are loving too much. When most or all of our conversations are about our intimate partner, his or her thoughts, feelings and desires then we are loving too much.
When we continue to make excuses for his or her moodiness, bad temper, criticism, and behaviors, we are loving too much.
When we are reading self help books or seeing a therapist or coach for the “other” person, we are loving too much.
When our intimate relationships jeopardize our emotional well being and perhaps even our physical health, we are surely loving too much.
I hope that for all of you who love too much that you may consider Relationship Coaching to become more aware of the reality of your condition, and to learn how to direct that loving energy toward your own life and self.

Ladies-let’s not be Jealous

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Hey Ladies-

Just wanted to reach out and touch on that ugly topic of Jealousy! You know about that ugly headed monster, right? Well I am here to tell you the facts about men, jealousy and your new attitude ! anytime a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.

Remember, inside the bedroom as well as on the outside, men are used to woman acting and sounding jealous. If you want to get his attention YOU need to act differently. You need to be walking around with the confidence that you aren’t concerned in the Least about other woman. You don’t try to compete, measure up or compare!

If you don’t trust him then stop seeing him. But, until you have a reason not to trust him you should absolutely behave as if you do. Your actions should always convey the confidence “Well, Of Course , he wants to be with Me.” Give it a try ladies and fill me in on your results.