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Relationships

Dating Advice for Women that are Tired of Bad Dates & Even Worse Men

Dating Advice for Women that are Tired of Bad Dates & Even Worse Men 150 150 Abbe Lang

We all have had bad dates and bad relationships. We’ve probably all been on an awful date that we almost couldn’t believe it happened. But if you’re tired of the bad dates, it’s time to take control and follow this advice.  These tips will help you stop attracting the wrong guys and start meeting someone perfect for you!

  • Be honest about what you want.
  • Be realistic about the type of relationship you want.
  • Don’t be afraid to let people down gently, but don’t stay in bad relationships just because they’re convenient or easy.

You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Happy When Dating

It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, but this only leads to unhappiness and frustration. If someone else has a great relationship, they probably worked hard for it–they didn’t just stumble into it by accident! And if someone else has an amazing body, they probably spent hours at the gym working on it. The point is that everyone has their own unique journey toward success–and that includes dating success!   All couples face unique challenges behind closed doors; successful couples learn to connect back quickly after a conflict.

Be Honest and Confident

Don’t be afraid to say what you want, don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. If someone asks you out on a date and then cancels last minute because they have “something else going on,” don’t accept an alternative date with them immediately.

Instead, tell them that if the other plans fall through for whatever reason (and there’s no reason why they should), that would be great, but otherwise, you would like some space just in case something better comes along later in the week or month.

The key here is being confident enough not only about your own worth but also about who you are as an individual so that when someone tries taking advantage of your kindness or generosity by canceling plans last minute without offering any apology, instead of feeling bad about yourself because maybe he wasn’t interested after all…you just shrug it off.

Learn How to Say No

Say no to things that don’t fit with your goals.

Say no to people who don’t treat you well and let them go.

Say no when someone is toxic, even if it’s hard and messy (and sometimes it will be).

Figure out what you want.

The first step to finding a good match is figuring out what YOU want. You can’t expect to find a great partner if you don’t know what will make YOU happy, so take some time and think about the things that matter most to you in a relationship.  Looking at other successful relationships is a start.  What do you admire about their relationship?

Get out of your comfort zone.

There’s nothing wrong with being in your comfort zone, but it can also be a little boring. You know what else is boring? Going on bad dates.

If you’re tired of the same old same old and want to try something new, here are some ideas:

Get out of your comfort zone! Take up a hobby like photography, pickleball or painting–or even sign up for an art class at the local community college. The point here is that there are so many opportunities out there for people who want them–you have to take advantage of them!

If this sounds too ambitious right now, start small.

Don’t stay in bad relationships just because they’re convenient or easy.

It’s easy to convince yourself that you should stay with someone who isn’t right for you, but it’s not worth it. You don’t owe anyone anything–not even your time and energy when they aren’t treating you well. If someone makes you feel miserable, then it’s time to leave them behind and focus on finding someone who treats you with kindness instead of cruelty.

Don’t be afraid to let people down gently. 

Don’t be afraid to let people down gently if you’re not feeling it. If someone is making you uncomfortable, it’s OK to say no thanks, even if that person is your good friend or another important person in your life. It’s better to be honest than to lie because that way they’ll know where they stand with you.

If this sounds harsh, remember: You deserve respect as much as anyone else does! You have to worry about your own needs and happiness so you can be the best version of yourself at all times.

10 Ways To Get A Man To Chase You Without Playing Games

10 Ways To Get A Man To Chase You Without Playing Games 150 150 Abbe Lang

When it comes to men, there are things that a woman can do to get a man to chase her. The secret is simple: play hard to get. In this article, we’ll go over some tips on how you can keep a man interested in you by playing hard-to-get.

Give him space.

If you constantly text and call your man, he may think you are clingy and desperate. This is the opposite of what you want to convey! Instead of texting him all day, try giving him space and not texting him as often as usual.

Be mysterious.

Being mysterious is one of the most important factors in getting a man to chase you. When you act like you have your ducks in a row, he’ll feel more comfortable moving forward and taking things further with you.

When he asks questions, don’t give too much away right away; leave some mystery around what makes him so special to you! It will make him want to know more about himself and why he deserves such special treatment from someone as amazing as you.

Don’t play games with men who aren’t worth it.

Many men are not worth your time and energy. If you find yourself dating someone who is emotionally unavailable, or if he has a history of cheating and lying, then it’s best to avoid playing games with him in the first place.

Dating an Independent Woman

Dating an Independent Woman 150 150 Abbe Lang

One of the most exciting things about dating an independent woman is that she’s not afraid to take chances, and she will always feel like a challenge for you. She will surprise you with her strength and intelligence and may keep you on your toes most of the time!  She may also push back against some of your ideas which can be frustrating if you’ve never dated someone who wasn’t afraid to stand up for themselves. Here are some pointers on how to deal with her!

Understand that she can take care of herself.

One thing you should know about independent women is that they can take care of themselves. Independent women are capable, strong, and self-reliant, which means they don’t need you to worry about them or try to fix things for them.

Don’t try to make decisions for her (or even give advice) unless she asks for it specifically. Remember: independent women don’t need a man’s interference in their lives–they have their own way of doing things and will appreciate your respect and acknowledgment of that.

Be honest about where you’re at and what you want out of the relationship.

You know that your independent woman is going to be a strong, confident person. She won’t have any problem telling you when she thinks you’re wrong or making her own decisions. But what if she doesn’t know what she wants? What if she’s just as confused about the relationship as you are?

Don’t be afraid of voicing what is on your mind, even if it might make her uncomfortable or angry. It’s better that way than keeping quiet; she will like you to be just as direct as she is.

If there are things about yourself or the relationship that bother you, bring them up early on.  This way, you not only avoid conflict but also give yourself time before making any major decisions about where things stand.

Don’t try to change or force her to be something she’s not.

An independent woman is who she is and doesn’t need your help to become someone else. If you love her for who she already is, let that be enough! A good relationship isn’t about changing each other; it’s about accepting each other as they are and loving one another unconditionally.

Allow her to pursue her passions and interests without judgment or criticism, and let her know how proud you are of her accomplishments, no matter how big or small they may be.

As an independent woman, she has a lot of interests and passions. She might be interested in the latest fashion trends or want to learn how to speak a foreign language.   She requires a lot of mental stimulation.  Whatever she’s interested in, encourage her to pursue those things without judgment or criticism. Let her know that you are proud of her for pursuing what makes her happy.

Trust that she trusts you.

Trust is a very important part of any relationship, but especially when dating an independent woman who doesn’t need your constant reassurance. When you’re with someone who has her own life and knows what she wants out of life, there’s no reason for her to constantly consult with you on every little decision.

She won’t ask your opinion on where she should take her vacation next year because she already knows what place would make her happy! And if she does ask for advice on something important, then by all means, give it freely without questioning why she didn’t come to YOU first instead…

Questioning our Mood

Questioning our Mood 150 150 Abbe Lang

Imagine if you could learn a strategy or skill to be shown how to overcome depression, anxiety, anger, panic, jealousy, guilt, and shame. It is a skill so easy to apply that it would help solve your relationship problems, handle stress better, improve your self-esteem, become less fearful, and grow more confident. These skills can also help you if you struggle with alcohol or drug use.

Mastering your mind over mood is a learned skill that teaches you step-by-step ways to rapidly make changes that are important to you.

For instance, if you’re standing in a line in a grocery store and the clerk is completely incompetent, and the line is moving very slowly, you have two choices to react in this situation.

We can remain calm and realize, “Hey, this may take a while .”I should just relax, or we can become very upset and agitated. We might start to think, “Why can’t they hire more clerks?” or “They should open up another register; this is bs!”

Questioning our mood teaches us to identify and understand the connections among our thoughts, moods, behaviors, and physical reactions in everyday situations like this one and during major events.

The quicker you learn the skills to master your moods, the quicker your mind can be at rest: less anxiety, fewer worries, and less depression. In turn, your will experience more happiness and a feeling of utter contentment.

How To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce

How To Survive And Thrive After A Divorce 150 150 Abbe Lang

Speaking from first-hand experience and surviving a divorce can take every bit of your energy.  The legal system is set up for you to fight, get angry, and be stressed out.  When we are worried about our future and finances, it is hard not to panic or attack our ex.

Number One:

The first concern is that you need to be clear about what you need and want financially without asking from a place of fear or attack.

Number two:

You must put your children’s best interests in mind.  During my divorce, my ex-husband was allowed to visit our children in our marital home.

I didn’t disrupt my boys and force them to go to a cheesy Wednesday night dinner with their dad when they didn’t want to.  I left my house and let him hang there in their natural environment.  Was it always easy?  Hell no, but it was best for the children.  Doing what is best for your children will save you much heartache down the road.

Number three:

You need to learn from your shortcomings in your last marriage and work with a coach or therapist, so you don’t repeat these exact patterns moving forward.

Look inside for what responsibility you can take in the failure of your marriage instead of pointing the finger outward.

Number Four:

Forgive your ex, and don’t hold on to the anger.  No one wants to hear you bash your ex, and they will avoid you at all costs if every time they see you, the topic of conversation is feeling sorry for yourself!

Falling In Love Again with Your Spouse

Falling In Love Again with Your Spouse 150 150 Abbe Lang

Falling in love with your spouse is a process that happens again and again during your relationship.  When we first fall romantically in love, it usually comes with hurdles and challenges.  We are attracted to our partners and, in most cases, show them our best side.  This is normal relationship behavior since our initial quest is to connect, be liked, and settle down in an intimate relationship.

As the days, months, and years pass, things change.  We are subconsciously drawn toward a partner to heal our deep childhood dissatisfaction and desires.  Every time our intimate relationship triggers one of the wounds or “gremlins: as I like to call them, we can get stuck.  When we have a loving partner who helps us work through these challenges, our relationship takes on another level of trust, intimacy, and love.

In addition, life will throw all sorts of challenges our way while we are married.

There are financial issues, children issues, and our extended family issues.  Our bond is strengthened as we mature and learn to support our partners and make decisions together on these topics.   Whenever we can be there for our partner, we reach another level of loving feelings toward that person.  Hence, we fall more and more in love as time passes.

Imagine if you could hire a Life Coach for Free!

Imagine if you could hire a Life Coach for Free! 150 150 Abbe Lang

Imagine if you could hire a Life Coach for Free! Someone who would be by your side, talk to you weekly, and literally give you the steps and blueprint to live your best life. A coach could show you that you don’t grow from your experiences in life. You grow from reflecting on these life experiences. Reflecting with your coach can be a very powerful process.

When I take my clients through the steps of self-reflection, they realize their greatest triumphs and epic failures all stem from past behaviors and rooted patterns of childhood imprints. Without self-reflection, they would continue to make the same mistakes repeatedly.

How often have we met someone who continues to struggle since they keep repeating self-destructive patterns from their past?

Imagine if we met with a coach and, within one month, we could turn the ship around. See the blue sky through the dark clouds. Have one a-ha moment after the next. Imagine if you started feeling happier and more optimistic, got along better in your intimate relationships, and had financial success within your reach. You could follow a blueprint and have a partner along the way when you veered off course.

This is the power of coaching/consulting. Most people don’t have a coaching budget. They have a budget for their next vacation. They’re saving for a new car. They’re preparing to upgrade their flat-screen tv. But they don’t have a coaching budget. Not everyone is ready to work with a coach. Not everyone is ready to live their Best Life. My question to you is, Why?

Why would we waste a precious second or day when we know our days on this Earth are limited? Why are you wasting time beating up on yourself instead of nurturing and bringing out your best self?

Thoughts to ponder in 2023?

Signs you’re dealing with emotional deprivation

Signs you’re dealing with emotional deprivation 150 150 Abbe Lang

Romantic relationships come in many different forms. What works for one couple may not work for another. When we find ourselves constantly longing for more than what our partner is willing to offer us, we are emotionally deprived. We feel starved for attention, warmth, and understanding. We desperately want to connect with our partner, but they have shut us down, shut us out. We feel sad, angry, depressed, and confused. We whine, plead, and beg for the attention we need, but it never comes.

Why does this phenomenon happen in the first place? In romantic relationships, we shut down for various reasons, and the biggest culprit is resentment. Usually, one of the partners withdraws emotionally from the relationship when they shut down. We try and try to communicate our needs, but our requests go on deaf ears. We get frustrated and finally detach altogether.

When one partner detaches or shuts down, the other begins to feel the effects of emotional deprivation.

Some tell-tale signs of emotional deprivation are depression or mood swings, constant disagreements, and basically as little interaction as possible between two people.

When one of the partners has officially checked out, they no longer care if the sad and lonely partner is upset; in essence, they are done. Their physical body may still be in the room, but not their head, heart, or mind. The partner who is left behind feels isolated and very disconnected.

The most important step a couple can take when they feel the other partner or person slipping away is to have a conscious communication talk about what is really going on. The disconnected partner has feelings of resentment and anger that they are burying deep down inside. This repression of feelings has caused detachment. The relationship can be saved if the other partner is willing to listen to all the complaints and issues that the struggling partner has been repressing.

People assume that fighting and conflict are bad in a relationship. The wrong kind of fighting can be toxic to your relationship; resolving conflict as it arises is the key to preventing emotional detachment/deprivation.

Solving problems in our intimate relationships

Solving problems in our intimate relationships 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

In 2023 I invite you to challenge your thoughts about your “issues” in your intimate relationships. What if I told you that you don’t have as many problems as you think you do?

You should maybe talk less about your problems or, at the very least, discuss them when you’re in a positive state of mind. When I tell my clients not to work on their problems, they look at me like I am nuts.

I am trying to tell them to work on themselves first and then see how this “problem” or issue affects them based on their feelings and perceptions. Your so-called problems appear when certain conditions are present, such as an insecure state of mind. Or even your spouse unintentionally is poking at your childhood wound or gremlin. Our relationship problems are issues that trigger emotional reactions from both partners.

If our emotional reactions did not exist or get triggered, we would have minimal conflict. I like to use the example of someone having a sore on their arm.

The last thing you would do is “poke” at the sore. You would realize it needed to be treated with care, to be babied. The same is true with your so-called relationship problems.

The thoughts around these problems create emotional reactions because they touch upon our personal sore spots.

To treat an emotional sore spot, you need to create a secure environment where the problem can heal. Often you need to work on yourself with a therapist or coach and not point the finger at your partner. For every problem, there is a solution. Often there are many solutions. As a coach, these solutions may be evident to me, but to the dispassionate observer, they cannot see any solutions since their mind is so clouded.

When you have handled your issues about why the problem came up in the first place, you have created a secure environment where the problem can heal. Once you realize how your insecurities undermine the problem-solving process, you will have fewer unproductive discussions—and definitely less fighting!

There are two basic human thought processes; we are in problem mode or solution mode. The problem mode is tedious and time-consuming.

You are filled with your childhood insecurities and old resentments regarding your partner’s past behaviors. When you are stuck in this mode, you rehash old issues, analyze everything, and defend your position to the end. When a couple tries to discuss in this mode and solve the problem, they will be met with much resistance from their partner.

The solution mode is much more effective. We reflect, either on our own or with a coach/therapist, why we are having these uneasy feelings in the first place. How much of it is our own ‘STUFF’ and has little to do with the issue we are struggling with? We reflect, look and listen. When we do this, we begin to have insights, hope, and exhilaration. Couples feel much closer and more united when they use the solution mode.

Don’t get stuck in your problems since they are like mental quicksand. The more involved you get in problem mode, you will get stuck.

It’s impossible to solve another person’s problems, so please don’t even try. Provide them a safe space to share when they are ready, and simply listen and validate. There is an obvious answer to every problem, but being too close to your issues makes it impossible to figure it out. Take the time to invest in yourself. To learn your own triggers and you will transcend not only your intimate relationships but all your relationships across

How to gain more confidence in your relationships

How to gain more confidence in your relationships 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

Introduction

It can be hard to feel confident in your relationships.   We all carry around baggage from our past.  When we hear negative voices in our head we tend to doubt ourselves in our intimate relationships.

Set yourself up for success by being aware of your confidence levels in your relationships. If possible, try to work on relationships where you feel more confident first, so you can build skills and experience.

  • Rank your relationships in order of confidence level. If you are not sure about how confident you feel, ask a friend or family member to help rank them for you.
  • Work on the relationship where you feel more confident first.

Take time to reflect on the people you have positive relationships with and why those relationships have been successful.

See how others see you. The best way to understand yourself is to see how others perceive you. You may have a great relationship with your friend or coworkers, but it’s important to realize that not everyone sees the same things in you that they do.  You can ask a good friend to describe you in a positive manner using the first 5 adjectives that come to mind.

Take time to reflect on your relationships, and if possible, get feedback from friends and family members who know you well. Pay attention to what makes these people feel good about themselves when they are around you. This includes their attitudes as well as their words and actions toward you—they should always be positive!  If anyone is saying anything negative to you simply put up your hand as a stop sign, meaning stop your talk , I am not letting that in.

Choose to make friends and romantic partners with people who have positive qualities that make them easy for you to relate to.

  • Choose to make friends and romantic partners with people who have positive qualities that make them easy for you to relate to.
  • Don’t be afraid of saying yes or no.

Guilt is a tricky thing, but it’s important not to let someone else guilt-trip you into doing something you don’t want to do. If possible, try not to feel guilty about your decisions either—but if it’s unavoidable, remind yourself that this is a part of learning how to relate well in all relationships.

Focus on improving your communication skills.

Communication is the key to deeper relationships. It’s the way we share our thoughts, feelings, and values with people who matter most to us.

The more you communicate with others effectively, the more confident you’ll feel about yourself in your relationships. You’ll be able to explain what’s going on in your head and heart without feeling like you’re being judged or criticized for it—and since communicating openly is great for any kind of relationship (romantic or otherwise), learning how to do so will help build confidence at all levels of connection.

Here are some tips:

  • Expressing needs: If there’s something you need from someone else—whether it’s an answer to a question or a favor—don’t be afraid to ask! The worst thing they can say is no; if you just keep understand that you may hear a lot of “no’s” before you get a “yes” than you will embrace the no.

 

  • Think about what would make a situation better than it was before when faced with a conflict in your relationships.
  • Think about what would make a conflict better than it was before when you are facing a conflict in a relationship.
  • Think about how you want to feel after the conflict is over.
  • Think about how you want the other person to feel after the conflict is over.
  • Think about how you can help them achieve those things

Bring someone else’s perspective into conflicts in a way that honors them.

  • Understand their perspective. When you’re in conflict with someone, try to see things from their point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or compromise your position—just that you can have empathy for where they’re coming from.
  • Don’t try to change their mind, just understand it. If your goal is understanding and empathy, don’t waste time trying to get the other person to change their mind about something; even if they do decide differently, it will feel more like a win for them than for you when it’s over. Instead, ask questions about what’s going on in their head right now and why they think that way (instead of why they should).

If you really want something from another person , make sure it is clear what you need and don’t expect anyone to just know your needs before explaining them.

  • Be clear about what you want.
  • Don’t expect other people to know what you want unless you tell them.
  • Ask for help from friends and family when you need it, especially if it’s a big deal for you.
  • The worst that can happen is that the person says “no.”

Offer suggestions or options instead of telling people exactly what they should do right now

You will gain more confidence in your relationships when you offer suggestions or options instead of telling people exactly what they should do right now – unless they ask for your advice or input in this way (which sometimes they will).

Offer suggestions and options, not ultimatums.

If someone has done something that upsets you, it’s okay to say so – but rather than saying “You need to stop doing that right now!” try saying “I feel hurt when you do ______ because ______. Would it be possible for us to agree on another way? If not, I need some space from this topic until later today/this week/etc., but we can discuss it again then once we’re both feeling calmer.”

Conclusion

Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, even if it seems uncomfortable or complicated. Don’t forget that you have a lot of control over your own life and that relationships are something that can be worked on over time as you gain experience. Don’t be discouraged if some relationships don’t work out – every relationship is different and sometimes we learn best when some relationships are over.  Learn, grow, move on, and be your best self.