coaching

Dietary Dangers

Dietary Dangers

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  1. Do not eat commercially processed foods such as cookies, cakes, crackers, TV dinners, soft drinks, packaged sauce mixes, etc. Read labels!
  2. Avoid all refined sweeteners such as sugar, dextrose, glucose, high fructose corn syrup, and fruit juices.
  3. Avoid white flour, white flour products, and white rice.
  4. Avoid all hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated fats and oils.
  5. Avoid all industrial polyunsaturated vegetable oils made from soy, corn, safflower, canola, cottonseed, grapeseed, or rice bran.
  6. Avoid foods cooked or fried in polyunsaturated oils or partially hydrogenated vegetable oils.
  7. Avoid processed, pasteurized milk; do not consume ultrapasteurized milk products, low-fat milk, skim milk, powdered milk, or imitation milk products.
  8. Avoid factory-farmed eggs, meats, and fish.
  9. Avoid highly processed luncheon meats and sausage,
  10. Avoid rancid and improperly prepared seeds, nuts, and grains found in granolas, quick rise bread, and extruded breakfast cereals, as they block mineral absorption and cause intestinal distress.
  11. Avoid canned, sprayed, waxed, and irradiated fruits and vegetables. Avoid genetically modified foods (found in most soy, canola, and corn products).
  12. Avoid artificial food additives, especially MSG, hydrolyzed vegetable protein, and aspartame, which are neurotoxins. Most soups, sauce, broth mixes, and commercial condiments contain MSG, even if not indicated on the label.
  13. Avoid aluminum-containing foods such as commercial salt, baking powder, and antacids. Do not use aluminum cookware or deodorants containing aluminum.
  14. Do not drink fluoridated water.
  15. Avoid synthetic vitamins and foods containing them.
  16. Avoid distilled liquors.
  17. Do not use a microwave oven.

Source: Dietary Dangers in Today’s World

Happy Wife, Happy Life

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Did you know that over one million marriages will end in divorce this year, and two-thirds of these divorces will be filed for by women? What makes women so incredibly unhappy in their marriages?

In the earlier years of marriage, women are the primary relationship caretakers. They are the ones monitoring the relationships to make sure there are date nights, closeness, and connection.

Men, initially, are more concerned with the couple’s financial situation and make it their number one concern to provide for the new union. When a man is not responsive to a woman’s initiative to keep the romance alive in the relationship, they become extremely unhappy. This unhappiness leads them to complain about everything under the sun…things that need to be done around the house, responsibilities about the kids, how their free time is spent, and other things. However, when women nag and complain, men tend to turtle up and retreat into their shells. This retreating and lack of communication deteriorates a marriage even more.

After years of unsuccessfully trying to improve things, a woman eventually surrenders and convinces herself that changing her husband is impossible. She believes nothing that she can do will work, that she has tried everything. Or at least she thinks she has. No one has taught this couple how to communicate effectively. That’s when she begins to carefully plan and map out her only option, getting a divorce.

While planning her exit from the marriage, she stops trying altogether. She resigns herself to living a life of silence and no communication until she announces her desire to divorce. On the other hand, her husband now thinks his wife’s silence means everything is fine. Her shell-shocked partner thinks, “I had no idea you were unhappy.”

Then, even when her husband is willing to pay attention and undergo real and lasting changes, it’s often too late. The relationship is now in the danger zone. If you’re a woman who fits this description, please don’t give up. I have worked with so many men and seen them make amazing changes once they truly learned how to communicate and listen. I have worked with so many couples helping them strengthen their relationships. Give your husband another chance to get it right. Keep your family intact, together.

If you’re a man reading this and have a complaining and nagging wife, be happy! If she didn’t still care, she wouldn’t still nag.Listen before she goes on shut down mode. Spend time with her. Talk to her. Show her that she is the most important person in your life!

If you can show her that you can change and have a big and open heart, she might just give the marriage another try.

Why We Hurt In Intimate Relationships

Why We Hurt In Intimate Relationships

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When our partners hurt us in our intimate relationships, it can cut deeper than any pain imaginable. Our partners know our buttons, our weaknesses, and our pain. When they wound us, it is often because they have touched on a childhood issue. We have conflicts in our relationship when our partners hurt us. Conflict or hurt is only growth trying to happen. When we feel hurt or angry, we must recommit to our own journey of self-love and healing. In doing so, we recommit to our partner by saying, “I will stick with this uncomfortable feeling and work it out with you.” We don’t want to shove that hurt feeling down inside and let resentment build. Our next step is sharing that hurt with our partners in a constructive way. I teach my clients to use Imago Dialogue to share their feelings of hurt and disappointment. Imago Dialogue enables each partner to have a turn in talking while the other person listens, repeats, validates, and acknowledges. This is a very powerful tool in getting to the root cause of your hurt or pain.

Effective communication is crucial to a healthy relationship. Having good communication skills may not solve or resolve every problem or issue, but no problem or issue will be resolved with them!   Some days we may communicate better than other days, but we can never choose not to communicate or shut down in our intimate relationships.

We often aren’t even aware of how little we listen to our partners. They speak, and in our minds, we think, “I have heard this a million times before.”

Maybe you have heard it, but never have you really listened, repeated your partner’s feelings, validated those feeling, and then finally empathized with your partner for having these feelings in the first place. When you take the time to accurately understand what your partner says, what they mean, you will deepen your love connection and avoid unnecessary hurt and pain.

Let’s go over these steps of Conscious communication with your partner to resolve your hurt and angry feelings.

The first step is MIRRORING.

Mirroring is the process of completely listening to your partner and accurately reflecting the entire “content” of their message. Most times, repeating back the exact words that your partner is saying is most effective.

Some specific phrases for mirroring include

Let me see if I got you…

I heard you say…

Did I get that …

After repeating back your partner’s feelings, you always ask, “Is there anything else?” This enables your partner to continue to share on a deeper level. Often your partner will really get to the bottom of their hurt and angry feeling by digging deep here.

The second step is VALIDATION.

Validation is communicating to your partner that the information you are receiving and mirroring “makes sense.” It is very important that you always remember these feelings are not your own. They are your partner’s hurt and angry feelings, and you need to agree and validate them no matter how crazy they may seem.

This is crucial. Don’t let your ego get in the way here. It isn’t about winning an argument. It is about uncovering your partner’s childhood wounds.

Some typical statements of validation can include

“You make sense to me…”.

“I can understand that you feel this way given that….” 

“I can see how you would see it that way because sometimes I do….”

The final step is EMPATHY.

Empathy is recognizing the feelings that your partner is sharing.

It is the process of reflecting, imagining, and participating in how your partner is feeling. Empathy allows both partners to overcome their own individual feelings, even for just a moment, and experience a genuine meeting of the minds. This experience has tremendous healing power.

Some typical phrases for empathic communication include

“I can imagine that when that happens, you may feel…”

“I can see that you are feeling…”

at the deepest level, “I am experiencing your (feelings)….”

A relationship is like a spiral repeating the stages of love and the experience of repair and connection through conscious communication. You enter the relationship through a doorway of love, hit the hurts and power struggles, repair and work on your connection again. Your hurts and pain become lessened each time you can successfully complete the conscious communication process through the proper safe dialogue.

This is because you can truly understand what is going on for your partner and are willing to take that journey to help heal them.

How To Boost Your Happiness Hormones to Live Longer

How To Boost Your Happiness Hormones to Live Longer

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The happiness hormones serotonin and oxytocin don’t only help fight depression. They also cut heart disease, stroke, and Alzheimer’s risk by strengthening arteries, so nutrient-rich blood quickly reaches your organs.

Send some love.

Taking one minute to let someone know that you’re thinking about them can bring about an increase in your oxytocin production 

Take a scented soak.

Relaxing in a warm bath scented with rose, vanilla, jasmine, or lavender can keep your blood levels of serotonin and oxytocin elevated by soothing your brain’s anxiety center. And when your brain is relaxed, it needs less serotonin and oxytocin to function, so more of those hormones are available to cells in the rest of your body.

Take 5-HTP.

Taking 100 mg. of 5-HTP increased serotonin levels, improving mood, energy, immunity-and even fat-burning. Want to sleep more deeply? Taking 5-HTP 30 minutes before bedtime can help. Cutting calories a priority? Take 5-HTP 30 minutes before your biggest meal each day.

Consume protein at breakfast.

After a night of not eating, blood levels of amino acids- the building blocks of serotonin and oxytocin- are low. The fix: Eat a meal containing 2 oz. of amino acid-rich protein, such as eggs, meat, or cheese. It’ll rev the enzymes that keep serotonin and oxytocin levels up, cutting your risk of the blues and blood sugar woes 33%.

Eat berries and kale.

Eating two cups each of berries and leafy greens (like kale) weekly could up your serotonin levels. Both foods are rich in anthocyanins, nutrients that encourage your brain to produce and release this “happy” hormone.

Watch TV.

Getting caught up in a fun, romantic, or emotionally gripping program-enough to make you root for one of the characters- will send your oxytocin levels soaring. Your brain processes movies as if they’re happening, and the empathy you feel for a character stimulates oxytocin release.

Source: Woman’s World Specials: Reverse Aging

Make This New Year Different

Make This New Year Different

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Many people use the New Year to think about goals for the future. Losing weight, working out, giving up bad habits… All of these things are common goals but so often people making these goals meet with failure in short order. In fact, you’ve probably had a similar experience. Why is it so hard to set positive goals and make them happen? Why does it seem so difficult to make improvements to ourselves? And what can I do to make this year different?

The Experts Advice

Well, there are several theories on this. Dr. Wayne Dyer said the reason we fail with our resolutions is because, “any resolution that involves you making decisions about long-range upcoming behavior reinforces the self-defeating notion of living in the future rather than in the present moment.” He suggests that, instead of setting big goals for the new year, we should set small goals for each new day.

So instead of saying, “I’m going to lose 40 pounds this year” and then feeling like a failure when you have a hard time resisting that chocolate cake three months from now, wake up each morning and ask yourself, “What healthy choices will I make today?” Then you can easily follow through on your goals, one day at a time, just by living in the moment.

Dr. Mercola offers further suggestions. Instead of making resolutions that are easy to break, focus on making lifestyle changes. Instead of making the resolution to work out for 45 minutes every day, decide each day that you will get in as much movement as possible. That way you aren’t telling yourself at the end of the day, “Ugh! I still have to get on the treadmill.” Much more satisfying is to end your day by recalling that you took the stairs instead of the elevator, walked in the park on your lunch break instead of playing Candy Crush on your computer, and walked the dog instead of letting him into the back yard while you veg in front of the TV. All those little things add up! You can learn lots more tips and tricks for creating a healthy lifestyle by reading my ebook, “The Secrets of Weight Loss, Diet, and Staying Lean Forever“.

Dr. Josh Axe believes it’s important that we understand why we are setting certain goals. For instance, instead of deciding you need to lose weight because “I’m fat”, think a little deeper. Do you want to lose weight because you want more energy? Do you want your clothes to fit better? Do you want to feel younger as you continue to get older? Take a moment to really dig deep and figure out your “why”. Dr Axe suggests writing these things down and posting them someplace where you can see it every day so you always remember your true motivation.

Success Tips

To sum things up, there are ways that you can be successful in meeting your goals:

  1. Live in the moment. Set goals for each day instead of for the entire year.
  2. Make lifestyle changes towards a healthier life instead of setting difficult goals like losing a certain number of pounds within a certain time frame.
  3. Understand why you have the goals you have. Write down your why and read it every day.

Keep in mind, goals don’t just have to be about diet and fitness. Think about how you’d like to improve your relationships with friends, family and your significant other. If your marriage or relationship is struggling, I can help with my book, “How to Keep Your Man Interested“.

Live for the moment and enjoy every moment of the New Year! Together, we can make it your most successful year ever.

Successful Marriages need a Game Plan

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The decision to get married will change one’s life more deeply than almost any other decision we could ever make. So it continues to amaze me that people will rush into marriage with little or no Relationship preparation or Communication skills that are needed for making a marriage successful. Couples pay far more attention to planning the actual wedding day when the festivities last a few hours and the relationship can and should last a lifetime. Most people don’t even go into marriage with a healthy dating relationship under their belt.

Healthy dating relationships focus on really getting to know the other person. What you see on the outside is not necessarily what you will discover on the inside. Both partners need a certain level of honesty in order to expose their true selves. In my coaching practice, I teach my clients that we all have Gremlins. These Gremlins are labels that we have given ourselves probably way back in childhood. We tend to overreact in our intimate relationships when our partners touch upon these “wounds” Every couple has a unique history. Sometimes it takes a 3rd party to help us feel safe to share our histories. Especially if we feel shame or embarrassment about our pasts. Taking the time prior to marriage to learn the skills to communicate will save you much hardship, tears, and frustrations in the future.

Intimate Relationships and loving too much

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When being in love means being upset and being in pain we are loving too much. When most or all of our conversations are about our intimate partner, his or her thoughts, feelings and desires then we are loving too much.
When we continue to make excuses for his or her moodiness, bad temper, criticism, and behaviors, we are loving too much.
When we are reading self help books or seeing a therapist or coach for the “other” person, we are loving too much.
When our intimate relationships jeopardize our emotional well being and perhaps even our physical health, we are surely loving too much.
I hope that for all of you who love too much that you may consider Relationship Coaching to become more aware of the reality of your condition, and to learn how to direct that loving energy toward your own life and self.