The Imperfect Marriage

Coaching so many of my married clients who so desperately want to have a perfect marriage really got my wheels spinning to create this entry. Is there really a perfect relationship out there? Is there really a perfect marriage?

I would like to challenge you to accept and expect imperfection in your marriage. Expect that you will fight, and then make up, make love and maybe fight again. How could you possibly expect that two people, of different genders, some times opposite personalities, are going to live without clashes in one house forever. If you got married to get a ticket to happiness ever after you may be setting yourself up to be very unhappy or even divorce. Here are four things you can count on in your marriage:

-Marriage can be difficult
-the grass is not greener on the other side
-Enjoy the highs because the dips are always around the corner
-Nobody is perfect so love the one you are with

This last point I feel is particularly significant. It means if you are searching for perfect love elsewhere, I can save you a lot of heartache and tell you that perfect love doesn’t exist. People stray from their spouses to be with someone who is sexier, smarter , more fun only to find out the same tough relationship issues surface again. Reason being you took your same imperfect self with you and from that there is no escape.

I have coached countless number of people who are unhappy in their relationships that will try the hardest to point the finger outwards instead of doing the internal work to change themselves. The one most important thing that has to change in your relationships is believing someone else can make you happy. Happiness is self-generated. Look at marriage as a safe space to build the deepest of love, over time, through joy and sometimes sadness. Marriage may at times be difficult but a good marriage means a good life. So surrender the fantasy and embrace the reality.