Remarriage is a great way to start a family again and build a new life, but there are some things you need to keep in mind if you want this marriage to last. Just like with the first marriage, remarriage is not easy. There are ups and downs that come along with any relationship, but with this one there’s even more at stake because you have children involved now too! Thankfully there are ways that you can make sure your second marriage stays strong for years to come!
- Build a solid relationship before getting married.
Before you take the plunge, make sure your relationship is solid. “Marriage is a partnership,” says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Second Marriages (Career Press). “You need to know that you are compatible with each other and that there are no major issues in your marriage before getting married.”
As part of this process, examine your goals for the future together as well as what it means to be married. Do both partners want children? Is either partner planning on changing careers? Are they willing to relocate? How do they feel about spending holidays with each other’s families versus traveling around the world together? Are they flexible enough to handle changes in their routine if one partner makes a big career move? These questions can help determine whether you’re ready for marriage before tying the knot again.
- Make sure you are truly ready.
The first step to second marriage success is to make sure you are truly ready for the commitment. This will be an important factor in determining how long your second marriage lasts.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Am I ready for all the changes that come with being married again?
- What went wrong in my first marriage (or last relationship)? Am I still bitter about any of it? Do I need more time alone before getting married again?
- Can I handle a lack of independence and privacy as part of being in a committed relationship with someone else?
- Get outside help if you need it.
If you are having trouble working through your issues with your partner, consider seeking the help of a professional. There are many different types of counselors, therapists and psychologists and coaches available to aid in the healing process.
- A psychologist is someone who has completed graduate school and received a doctorate in psychology. They can prescribe medication or provide other treatment options.
- A marriage counselor has training in marriage counseling specifically but is not necessarily licensed as a psychologist or psychiatrist (although they may be). Marriage counselors tend to focus on communication techniques, problem-solving strategies and conflict resolution skills rather than diagnosing mental illness or prescribing medication. If you need help with depression because it’s affecting your marriage, then a marriage therapist may at least start by prescribing anti-depressants for both partners if necessary (though those medications will typically be monitored closely by the therapist).
- A Life Coach can help steer you in the right direction by providing specific tools and exercises to work on. Further, they will hold you accountable for the action items you are willing to take.
- Put love in the equation.
The secret to your second marriage success is simple: put love in the equation.
You can’t just sit back and hope that you will magically be filled with love, or that your partner will somehow magically bring it out of you. It doesn’t work like that, and if it did, I would have a lot more than one friend who’s still married to their first spouse! You must choose to love each other every day—and no matter what happens, keep choosing until death do you part (or until divorce papers are signed).
Remarriage, like the first marriage, is about creating a family and building a life together, but this time you have the advantage of knowing each other much better which will make for a smoother ride!
Remarriage is like the first time you married, but this time you have the advantage of knowing each other much better which will make for a smoother ride!
Remember that remarriage is a new beginning and that it’s okay to bring parts of your past into this new relationship—just don’t let it define who you are now. You’re not defined by your past or by your mistakes; you’re defined by your choices today!
It’s important to make sure that the person in front of you is a good fit for who YOU want to be moving forward. If they aren’t making room for YOUR growth and happiness, then they won’t be able to support YOUR needs.
If you’re thinking about remarriage, then we wish you all the best. Remember that it is not a race and there is no such thing as failure in marriage. The point is to create a good life with your partner, and if that means taking things slow and keeping an open mind as you go along, then so be it! We hope these tips will help guide you through this exciting journey toward marital bliss.