Relationship Repair in 5 Steps


It’s never easy to rebuild a relationship that’s gone sour. But it’s possible! In fact, I can think of many couples who have turned their romantic relationships around. The key is to remember the early days of your relationship, when everything was new and exciting: the way you felt about yourself when you were with your partner; the mutual respect and admiration; the comfort in knowing that you shared similar interests and goals for your lives together. That’s what this article is all about—how to bring back these feelings of love and connection into any type of relationship.

Remember those early days.

If you are looking to repair a relationship, it is helpful to remember the early days of your relationship. These early days were key in building your connection and they hold valuable lessons that can help you move forward.

The importance of these early days can be summed up by a quote from psychologist Dr. Gottman: “All couples have problems. The successful ones deal with them before they get out of hand.” This means that if you are having problems in your relationship and want to make it work, you need to do something about those problems as soon as possible so that they don’t get worse or even irreparable!

While there are many factors involved in creating and maintaining a healthy long-term partnership—and it’s impossible for me to cover all of them here—I want to touch on some specific aspects that tend be most relevant when trying repair things after months (or even years) have passed since the first time Jack met Jill at the bar where both went drinking after work each day…

Look for the positive intention.

If you find yourself in a conflict, take some time to think about the positive intention behind your partner’s behavior. For example, let’s say you notice that your partner has been irritable lately. You assume this is because they are upset with something you did, but then realize they have been working extra hours at their job and have had little time to rest or eat well. They seem to be stressed out. What is the positive intention behind such behavior? Perhaps they are trying not to burden others with their own problems; perhaps they want to appear strong in front of their coworkers; perhaps they do not want anyone else knowing how much pressure there is on them at work.

In this situation it might help if you could communicate more clearly with your partner about what makes them feel stressed so that together you can come up with solutions for coping with these stressors (for example: taking turns staying late at work).

In general, when trying to determine someone’s positive intention from their actions or words remember actions speak louder than words!

Don’t self-soothe with harsh words.

When you feel angry, it’s tempting to use harsh words to express your feelings—but this will only make things worse. Instead of saying things like “You are so selfish!” or “You never do anything right!” (Or whatever gets under your skin), try taking some time away from the fight and cooling off on your own before reentering the conversation. This can help you keep a level head when talking about difficult topics and avoid making unnecessary accusations that could make matters even worse.

Address misbehavior, not character flaws.

When you’re trying to repair your relationship, it’s tempting to use your partner’s behavior as a means of proving that they are an awful human being—and sometimes they may in fact be an awful human being! But instead of focusing on their actions or personality traits, try addressing the misbehaviors directly. Here are some examples:

You always come home late, and I never know when you’re going to get here.

We had plans last night and you stood me up again!

You never clean up after yourself when we have guests over.

Focus on common ground, rather than differences.

  • Don’t focus on what you don’t have in common. This can be a challenging one, but it’s better to focus on the things that you do have in common rather than what separates you.
  • Look for the good in each other. It’s easy to see all the ways your partner is annoying or frustrating but take some time to appreciate their positive qualities as well (and don’t forget about the ones that attracted you to them initially).
  • Try understanding where your partner is coming from before judging or criticizing their behavior—they may be doing something out of fear or sadness rather than malice. We’re all human and make mistakes sometimes!

Repair your relationship by re-building trust. Day by day, interaction by interaction. Devoting the time to get back in each other’s good graces.

To have a healthy relationship, it’s important to build trust. Trust is built through friendship and understanding each other’s needs. You need to forgive one another for your mistakes and communicate about them.


Repairing your relationship can feel like an overwhelming task, but it doesn’t have to be. With a little time and patience, you can get back to being the best version of yourselves for each other. The most important thing is to remember that repairing trust takes time and effort on both sides. Don’t forget about those early days when things were going well between you two—that’s something worth fighting for

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