teen coaching

Staying connected to your teen

Staying connected to your teen

Staying connected to your teen 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

More than ever, your teen is yearning for a deep connection, and with good reason. The uncertainty of this world has turned many teens’ lives completely upside down. The covid pandemic has caused anxiety in most if not all of this generation. At this time in their lives, the challenge is that they yearn for the security of their parents, yet they are ready and willing to start running their own lives. Most parents have a difficult time with this power shift. Parents generally want more control over their teens’ lives than teens are willing to relinquish.

This balance is quite a challenge. If you pull back too much, your teen will suffer enormously and may even lose their way, but at the same time, if your try to over-control your teen, they may never grow up and will still want to live with you well into their later years. I like to explain to the parents of my teen clients you are no longer their manager but rather acting more as a consultant.

You need to start to appreciate this new emergent adult. Your teen needs you to recognize this part of themselves and believe in them.

Experts agree that peers can influence behavior more than parents in adolescence. We, as parents, are constantly looking at our teens’ behaviors and the long-term patterns we see emerging. However, teens live in the present moment. This is why they give you a strange look when you try and discuss patterns in their lives. You may say. “I am seeing that you are late to school every day, and you’re missing your homework assignments, “trying to point out irresponsible behavior. Your teen will feel like you are talking gibberish to them, though.

Over the next few blog posts, my goal is to guide you through specific ways to stay connected to your teen.

To explain to you how to guide your teen without them actually feeling guided by you. Your teen wants you to read between the lines and be there for them no matter how hard they try and “push” you away.

Abbe Lang is a certified Life Coach and has successfully raised and launched 3 teenage boys.

Connecting with your teen using their sleep -wake cycle.

Connecting with your teen using their sleep -wake cycle. 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

It is crucial to try and have discussions with your teens when the timing is right. How often have you tried to get your point across to your teen as they stare blindly at their phone and your advice is going in one ear and out another?

Teens open up most naturally at night. Late at night, your teens are the most reflective, and you should always make yourself available if they are willing and able to allow you to catch up on their world. This is not the time to lecture your teen. This is the time for you to allow them to talk, for you to simply validate their feelings and concerns, and to be on their side. Parents often complain that teens are too busy to talk. However, this is not really true.

The truth is, when your teen is ready to talk, you are usually asleep. The parent who truly wants to connect will remain available late at night, sometimes just for this reason. When your teen launches for college their first year, you can certainly expect some late-night telephone calls. Don’t be surprised if your freshman actually sounds clinically depressed. The first thing they will dump on you is everything that is wrong. They will tell you only the worst parts of where they are and who they are with.

When they are happy, they don’t call! They are too busy adapting to their new environment to think about home. Late at night, however, you usually hear about how difficult it is to adapt and how much they miss home. Always keep in mind when talking to your teen these four questions: Are they too hungry, too angry, too lonely, or too tired. This will give you and your teen an accurate diagnosis of where their stress is coming from.

Teens: Their Grades and Athletics

Teens: Their Grades and Athletics 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

I have always raised my three boys with the same saying, “you’re more than just a number, you’re more than just a grade. In a world where everything academically is based on your grades, you need to make your teen’s world about love for learning. If you are finding yourself constantly on your teen about their grades, you are setting yourself up for a battle that you will not win, and you will also ensure a total disconnect. “How did you do on your Math test?” It should be replaced with “Was it a good test?” Most teens will give you a strange look when you ask that question and respond by telling you the grade they received.

Explain to your teen that a good test forces you to learn more and put together what you were taught. It’s not just about your final grade. As parents, you need to focus much less on your child’s final grade and much more if they are acquiring a love of learning. Sharp parents look for teachers and schools to instill a love of learning in their children. They do not push their child into an honors class if that class causes undue stress on their child.

The same goes for your teen and athletics. Do you find yourself always asking your student-athlete questions like “Who won?, Did you play much? Did they play well?” Instead, look at the learning moments of their games. Opportunities like “I saw when your team was down 10 points you really dug in deep trying to pull yourselves out of the hole.” This line of questioning might not come naturally to your teen; however, they will open up in time.

After all, you’re asking questions about the most important person in your teenager’s eyes, themselves.

Visit the blog to read more posts to help with relationships and communication.