Couples all want similar things

Couples all want similar things

Couples all want similar things 1080 1080 Abbe Lang

I meet with many different couples. As a relationship and life coach, it’s my job to help them work through their relationship issues and improve their communication skills. But over the years, I’ve noticed that there’s one thing they all want: to be happy in love. To be connected and understood.  These days, we’re bombarded with advice about how to get what you want out of life (and relationships). You’ll hear people talk about following your heart or doing what makes sense for you. But let me give you this advice: That’s not going to bring you happiness. What will? Making sure that both partners are happy in the relationship—and knowing how to do so by having a greater understanding of romantic relationships.   Here are some ways that can happen:


We all want love. We all want to be in love. We all want the same thing.

Love is a choice, not a feeling. Love is an action, not a thought or intention. Love is a decision made over and over again every day by each person who chooses to accept the other person for who they are and how they feel about themselves right now—and that includes accepting yourself just as you are in this moment.

Love and connection can be made every moment of every day if you know what it means (and if you let go of your past hurts). It doesn’t take much time at all; it just takes making the choice over and over again: “I choose to love you.”


The good news is that all couples want the same thing. Companionship. This is a mutual feeling of satisfaction and comfort, support and understanding, trust and loyalty, respect, and admiration. The more you can provide this to your partner, the happier they will be in return. But don’t worry: it’s not just easier said than done – it’s actually pretty easy!

All you must do is recognize what’s important to your partner and try to give them those “gifts” as much as possible.  Is it cuddling, words of affirmation, gifts of service, extra attention, solving this puzzle will give you a jump start in pleasing your significant other. Try cooking their favorite dinner instead of ordering takeout every night because ‘you’re too tired’,   Make sure that when your partner tells you about their day or asks for help with something annoying or difficult at work or home you really try to be present for them.


Affection, the way you express your love and care for your partner, is important to all couples. It can come in many forms: physical closeness, touch, verbal expressions of love and affection.  Depending on the type of affection you enjoy most (or whether you like different types at different times), you may be able to find a solution that works for both of you. For example:

  • If one partner likes lots of physical affection while the other prefers words only—try making time each day just to talk with your partner about how much they mean to you. This can include complimenting each other on something specific—like their new haircut or outfit—or saying something nice about them in general (e.g., “You’re so thoughtful!”).
  • If both partners have similar needs—go out together once per week without kids or pets and leave work behind! Make sure this date is planned so that it doesn’t interfere with any other obligations that either person might already have made with friends/family members (and if possible, try not to schedule anything else immediately after).


Respect is more than a feeling. It’s earned, not given. Respect is about character, not appearance. Respect is about how we treat others and how we treat ourselves, the planet, and everything in it (including ourselves).

Respect doesn’t mean that you must agree with someone’s opinion or appreciate their choice of clothing—respect means that you acknowledge your partner’s right to be who they are and do what they do without judgment or criticism.

To be heard and understood

When it comes to communication, you and your partner might have different levels of patience for each other. But regardless of your personality type and how long you’ve been together, there are some universal truths about what couples want from each other that can help improve the quality of your partnership.

The first thing we all want from our partners is to be heard and understood. This means that when we’re trying to express something that is important to us, your partner listens without interrupting or arguing with the thought . Listening also means trying not to judge what the other person says before they finish talking (even if the subject matter is tough). Do not interrupt!  This helps us feel safe in expressing ourselves and getting answers out in the open rather than bottling up our emotions until they explode into arguments later on down the road.

Relationships are what we make of them, and with effort and love, they can be all we hope for.

Relationships are what we make of them, and with effort and love, they can be all we hope for.

As a couple you have the ability to choose how long your relationship lasts or whether you want to get married or not. It is within your reach if both partners are willing to work at it together.

So, what do you think? Are you ready to try some of these relationship-saving tips? If so, then get started in the right direction today ! And remember—the most important thing is that you listen and understand each other.   That you don’t talk over each other.  That you wake up every day remembering why you fell in love in the first place and bring those warm and loving feelings into your everyday life.

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