marriage advice

Marriage Worth Fighting For

Is your marriage worth fighting for?

Is your marriage worth fighting for? 250 250 Abbe Lang

Only you can really answer that, but I want you to consider some important facts. Most divorced couples do not anticipate the great pain suffered from a divorce that many times affects the rest of their life. Many think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but the truth is that your grass is just as green, but may have some dandelions and mole holes. These are fixable just as many of the problems in a marriage can be fixed. It just takes some work and commitment.

What if only one of you want to work on the marriage? Then that’s what you have to do. If one is working on the marriage, it can still be much better than it’s ever been. You don’t want the same marriage back. It wasn’t working. You want a brand new marriage with the same man that will be better than ever because of the work going into it in developing yourself and being confident with who you are. Imagine what you want your marriage to be like. Then set goals for yourself to get to what you imagined. Do not allow yourself to backslide, but keep moving forward.

Another thing you really need to consider for your marriage is the children. They are affected greatly by both of your choices of staying together and working on the marriage or divorcing. Kids really want their parents to stay together, except if there a huge amount of fighting or abuse involved. If you both decide to divorce, it takes away the security of being part of a family. Also, letting the kids witness how you work on your relationship will teach them to do likewise when they get older. It’s a legacy that you can leave them to live successful lives in meaningful relationships.

There are so many benefits to staying together. As you journey through the relationship rehab, you may find as you rediscover yourself that you are a pretty awesome lady, and shouldn’t be treated like “the old wife.” You are an individual that has a lot to offer. You are a special person and anyone who tells you different is not worth your time. Do not allow others to control who you are by defining you. You will grow into the person you are meant to be. Your story is not done yet … there are plenty of chapters still being written.

Make the choice of what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship, and stand by your choice. The pride you have in yourself will speak volumes to everyone. Instead of being needy for emotional approval from your husband, give it to yourself. Don’t allow anyone to limit you. In rediscovering yourself, you will be attractive to your husband, as he also sees for himself that you are a person of great value and worthy of his respect and attention.

Successful Marriages need a Game Plan

Successful Marriages need a Game Plan 150 150 Abbe Lang

The decision to get married will change one’s life more deeply than almost any other decision we could ever make. So it continues to amaze me that people will rush into marriage with little or no Relationship preparation or Communication skills that are needed for making a marriage successful. Couples pay far more attention to planning the actual wedding day when the festivities last a few hours and the relationship can and should last a lifetime. Most people don’t even go into marriage with a healthy dating relationship under their belt.

Healthy dating relationships focus on really getting to know the other person. What you see on the outside is not necessarily what you will discover on the inside. Both partners need a certain level of honesty in order to expose their true selves. In my coaching practice, I teach my clients that we all have Gremlins. These Gremlins are labels that we have given ourselves probably way back in childhood. We tend to overreact in our intimate relationships when our partners touch upon these “wounds” Every couple has a unique history. Sometimes it takes a 3rd party to help us feel safe to share our histories. Especially if we feel shame or embarrassment about our pasts. Taking the time prior to marriage to learn the skills to communicate will save you much hardship, tears, and frustrations in the future.