Looking back at last Christmas, I feel nothing but joy, gratitude, and a profound sense of accomplishment in regulating my central nervous system. As I scroll through the photos, I see not just memories, but the strength it took to embrace both happiness and sorrow in the same season.
Just a week before Christmas, my 90-year-old mother was admitted to the hospital with upper respiratory pneumonia. It quickly became clear that she no longer had the will to fight. One diagnosis followed another—her heart, her COPD, her blood cancer. But at the end of the day, my mother made the choice to let go. I knew she would never leave the hospital the same, or perhaps even leave at all.
It was incredibly difficult to feel the holiday spirit, yet I understood the importance of celebrating. The reality is, we are all going to face loss, and we need to embrace that. So, while I was processing my mother’s impending passing and feeling every emotion head-on, I also allowed myself to experience moments of joy. When I was home with my family, cooking, and carrying on traditions, I let myself be present. I knew I would be devastated when my mother passed, and each hospital visit shook me deeply. But even in the midst of sorrow, I still have happy memories from that holiday.
What I’ve come to realize is that we don’t have to be sad every moment of every day when we are facing a difficult situation. We are not proving anything by being the most grief-stricken person in the room. True strength is found in the ability to experience joy even when sadness is inevitable.
So, as I share this reflection along with a family photo from that Christmas, I want you to know—during that time, I had only days left with my mother. But I was still able to embrace the love of the holiday season, and that, to me, is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit.