There’s one habit that quietly erodes our relationships, and most of us have done it for years without realizing how much it’s costing us.
It creates distance, resentment, and pressure.
It fuels self-doubt and the feeling that we’re never quite enough.
And still, it’s a habit we were taught to be proud of.
It’s called over-giving.
Over-giving isn’t the same as generosity. It’s not love in motion. It’s a survival strategy.
We over-give to earn approval.
We over-give so we don’t feel like a burden.
We over-give because we’re afraid we’ll be left behind or let down.
We over-give to feel in control.
But here’s the truth. When we over-give, we’re no longer relating. We’re performing.
We’re not giving from love. We’re giving from fear.
This dynamic, where one gives and the other takes, turns relationships into transactions. It puts us in roles: the one who gives and the one who gets. And it often ends in burnout, bitterness, and disconnection.
We learned this from the women who came before us—mothers, grandmothers, the culture around us.
Be the giver.
Don’t ask for too much.
Be useful. Be needed. Be selfless.
Then maybe you’ll be loved.
But what if we chose something different?
What if relationships weren’t about giving and taking, but about giving and receiving?
What if real love expands when both people can show up fully—able to give and to receive without guilt, shame, or the need to earn it?
Thich Nhat Hanh said,
“Loving another without knowing how to love the other wounds the one we love.”
When we give from emptiness, when we can’t receive with openness, we wound ourselves. We strain the relationship.
But when we practice receivership—the ability to let love in without conditions, to say yes to being supported, to trust that we don’t need to prove or earn our worth—everything shifts.
This is not easy.
For many of us, learning to receive is more painful than over-giving ever was.
It can feel selfish.
It can feel unsafe.
We’ve been wired to wait for the other shoe to drop.
But here’s what I’ve seen.
When women in this community start softening into receiving—whether it’s help, love, space, compliments, or care—something beautiful happens.
They stop hustling for connection.
They stop walking on eggshells.
They stop abandoning themselves to keep the peace.
They start to feel safe.
Like they can finally exhale.
Like they can be seen, held, met.
So here’s your Her Turn invitation.
What’s your relationship with receiving?
Do you trust it? Resist it?
What’s one small way you can practice receiving today—without guilt or explanation?
Let this be your season of softening.
Of letting it in.
Of remembering that you don’t need to over-give to be loved.
Because you already are.