As a life coach, I’ve worked with so many people who struggle with relationships, confidence, and finding their direction in life. One of the biggest lessons I teach is that our emotions do not define us. They are just experiences that come and go.
This idea comes from Living from a Place of Surrender by Michael A. Singer. He explains that our hearts are constantly opening and closing based on our past experiences. When we understand this, we can start to free ourselves from emotional ups and downs. Let’s talk about how this works and how you can use it to improve your relationships and overall happiness.
Your Heart Stores Your Past
Singer describes the heart as an energy center. Every experience leaves a mark on us, whether we realize it or not. If you have ever felt sudden sadness, fear, or even love without knowing why, it is probably an old emotion being triggered.
I see this in my coaching all the time. A client may struggle with trust in relationships, but when we dig deeper, we find it comes from a childhood experience of feeling abandoned. Another client may lack confidence because of a hurtful comment they heard years ago. These emotional imprints, or “samskaras” as Singer calls them, sit in the heart until something brings them back up.
Why Your Heart Opens and Closes
Have you ever felt open and happy one moment, then suddenly closed off and distant? That is your heart reacting, but not to the present moment. It is reacting to past pain or fear.
Singer explains that we naturally push down emotions we do not want to deal with. But when something reminds us of them, even in a small way, they rise back up. A breakup, a rejection, or a childhood memory can all cause the heart to close. The problem is most people try to push these feelings away instead of letting them pass.
Thoughts and Emotions Are Not the Same
One of the most powerful lessons in Singer’s work is that thoughts and emotions are separate. Your thoughts act like a narrator in your mind, while emotions are felt in your body. The two are connected, but they are not the same.
For example, if you are feeling happy, your mind creates positive thoughts. But if you are feeling down, your mind looks for reasons to justify that sadness. This is why just “thinking positive” is not always enough. You have to allow emotions to move through you instead of holding on to them.
How to Keep Your Heart Open
- Notice When You Close Off – Pay attention to when you feel yourself shutting down emotionally. Ask yourself, “What old feeling is coming up?”
- Let Emotions Pass – Instead of fighting sadness, fear, or frustration, allow yourself to feel it. Remember, it will pass.
- Avoid Overthinking – Do not create a big story around your emotions. Let them come and go without attaching too much meaning.
- Trust the Process – Surrender to life instead of trying to control everything. Let go of the need to always feel a certain way.
Final Thoughts
The more you practice letting emotions move through you, the more free and confident you will feel. A closed heart keeps you stuck in the past, but an open heart allows love, connection, and peace to flow into your life.
Singer’s teachings remind us that we are not our emotions. We are the awareness behind them. Next time you feel yourself closing up, take a deep breath and remember—you are safe, and you can let go.