It can be hard to feel confident in your relationships. We all carry around baggage from our past. When we hear negative voices in our head we tend to doubt ourselves in our intimate relationships.
Set yourself up for success by being aware of your confidence levels in your relationships. If possible, try to work on relationships where you feel more confident first, so you can build skills and experience.
- Rank your relationships in order of confidence level. If you are not sure about how confident you feel, ask a friend or family member to help rank them for you.
- Work on the relationship where you feel more confident first.
Take time to reflect on the people you have positive relationships with and why those relationships have been successful.
See how others see you. The best way to understand yourself is to see how others perceive you. You may have a great relationship with your friend or coworkers, but it’s important to realize that not everyone sees the same things in you that they do. You can ask a good friend to describe you in a positive manner using the first 5 adjectives that come to mind.
Take time to reflect on your relationships, and if possible, get feedback from friends and family members who know you well. Pay attention to what makes these people feel good about themselves when they are around you. This includes their attitudes as well as their words and actions toward you—they should always be positive! If anyone is saying anything negative to you simply put up your hand as a stop sign, meaning stop your talk , I am not letting that in.
Choose to make friends and romantic partners with people who have positive qualities that make them easy for you to relate to.
- Choose to make friends and romantic partners with people who have positive qualities that make them easy for you to relate to.
- Don’t be afraid of saying yes or no.
Guilt is a tricky thing, but it’s important not to let someone else guilt-trip you into doing something you don’t want to do. If possible, try not to feel guilty about your decisions either—but if it’s unavoidable, remind yourself that this is a part of learning how to relate well in all relationships.
Focus on improving your communication skills.
Communication is the key to deeper relationships. It’s the way we share our thoughts, feelings, and values with people who matter most to us.
The more you communicate with others effectively, the more confident you’ll feel about yourself in your relationships. You’ll be able to explain what’s going on in your head and heart without feeling like you’re being judged or criticized for it—and since communicating openly is great for any kind of relationship (romantic or otherwise), learning how to do so will help build confidence at all levels of connection.
Here are some tips:
- Expressing needs: If there’s something you need from someone else—whether it’s an answer to a question or a favor—don’t be afraid to ask! The worst thing they can say is no; if you just keep understand that you may hear a lot of “no’s” before you get a “yes” than you will embrace the no.
- Think about what would make a situation better than it was before when faced with a conflict in your relationships.
- Think about what would make a conflict better than it was before when you are facing a conflict in a relationship.
- Think about how you want to feel after the conflict is over.
- Think about how you want the other person to feel after the conflict is over.
- Think about how you can help them achieve those things
Bring someone else’s perspective into conflicts in a way that honors them.
- Understand their perspective. When you’re in conflict with someone, try to see things from their point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them or compromise your position—just that you can have empathy for where they’re coming from.
- Don’t try to change their mind, just understand it. If your goal is understanding and empathy, don’t waste time trying to get the other person to change their mind about something; even if they do decide differently, it will feel more like a win for them than for you when it’s over. Instead, ask questions about what’s going on in their head right now and why they think that way (instead of why they should).
If you really want something from another person , make sure it is clear what you need and don’t expect anyone to just know your needs before explaining them.
- Be clear about what you want.
- Don’t expect other people to know what you want unless you tell them.
- Ask for help from friends and family when you need it, especially if it’s a big deal for you.
- The worst that can happen is that the person says “no.”
Offer suggestions or options instead of telling people exactly what they should do right now
You will gain more confidence in your relationships when you offer suggestions or options instead of telling people exactly what they should do right now – unless they ask for your advice or input in this way (which sometimes they will).
Offer suggestions and options, not ultimatums.
If someone has done something that upsets you, it’s okay to say so – but rather than saying “You need to stop doing that right now!” try saying “I feel hurt when you do ______ because ______. Would it be possible for us to agree on another way? If not, I need some space from this topic until later today/this week/etc., but we can discuss it again then once we’re both feeling calmer.”
Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need, even if it seems uncomfortable or complicated. Don’t forget that you have a lot of control over your own life and that relationships are something that can be worked on over time as you gain experience. Don’t be discouraged if some relationships don’t work out – every relationship is different and sometimes we learn best when some relationships are over. Learn, grow, move on, and be your best self.