Teenagers and Connection

Being the mom of three boys, two of them successfully navigating their way through their teen years I am often asked how or what I did to raise such great kids who also have remained very connected towards me.  Did I tell them I am your friend? Was I strict? Was I easy?

To be honest as I have always said it all comes down to connection.  You really can’t “catch up” with your children and start to connect during their teenage years.  But, If you have filled up their childhood “love tank” all along you can absolutely stay fully connected to your growing and maturing teen.  Many parents still try to enforce the old fashion way of lecturing to their teens.  Even though they are aware all of their efforts are falling on deaf ears they refuse to sit on the side lines being unheard as their teens squander their lives away.

Light bulb moment….if you have done your job Prior to the teen years your children will still turn towards you to communicate and share when They need and Want to.  During this stage children are testing their independence from you.  Every time they turn towards Mom or Dad in their minds it can be like taking a step back, admitting they are unsure.  Do you know how to communicate with them when they turn towards you?  Often times they will listen to the advice and “sit” with it for awhile before ever acting on any of it.

As parents we need to practice Limits, Consistency and Fairness.  Problem is, teenagers are masters of making special requests during our most disorganized moments.  If you meet your teenager with rigidity and embrace the mantra “The rule is the rule” you will not foster a thoughtful and responsible teenager.  When you base your decisions on what is “fair” for your teenager, your teenager will learn to trust you.  One mistake parents make is when they take too personally some of their teenager’s pushing away behaviors towards them and not personally enough many of their indirect requests for reconnecting.